With the Slovak Cycling team-Matej Jurco, Roman Bronis, and Jan Valach before their departure for Slovakia today (ok, their moments here were not so so glorious perhaps, but I enjoyed chatting with them. Palmer would have had a blast).
I slept well, but woke up to a warm morning so I did not feel like running right away. I said good bye to some of the Slovak athletes leaving today and headed off one more time to the Olympic pool to see three more world records broken (one by Phelps). It may sound like it's getting old for me, but there is no such thing as witnessing a world record being smashed in a packed swimming pool stadium. The closest experience to this one is being at the Tour de France, waiting for the first rider to ride by the spot where you are standing. A big time athletics high.
200m backstroke world record smashed...
At the Slovak office, it was not much more calming with Lucia Klocova easily moving on to the 800m semifinals with the third fastest time and with the brothers Rizdorfer and Eva Kaliska winning golds in the kayak/slalom competitions.
Following some seriously glorious moments in the lives of a few athletes here, I came up to room feeling quite insignificant. I mean, my best time in the tables is 81st (of 85 competitors), which means, only four women have entered the Games with a slower personal best than I have. Some of you may have been following this blog, thinking I had a chance at a medal. I mean, Steven Krashen and Lyle Bachman, two gurus in my field of study, have been posting on my blog (or should I say were posting on my blog since now that they know just how slow I am they probably won't bother :))). No, seriously, I was quite dissapointed to find out just how far back I was.
Don't get me wrong-I am not emersing myself in self-pitty or lacking perspective. I know there are people who have difficulty just breathing (as Alex reminds me often) or people with cancer or other major health issues so worrying about only being able to run a subpar marathon may sound rather pathetic. I guess I just don't want them to close the gate to the National Stadium before I get there (one of the coaches said they are closing it at 10:15...I hope he was joking :))).
The thing is, and my friend Abby, a former Winter Olympian, warned me about this-when peope hear that you've been to the Olympics they immediately ask if you have won a medal. (That way it's kind of like with linguistics when people ask how many languages you speak and then you cheat and count the ones you were once able to complete tests in back in highschool). I mean, for the rest of my life, I may have to say, "no, actually, I was last" or "no, actually, I was 82nd out of 85 competitors.
I know I need to do two things right now. First, I need to look inside rather than outside to find meaning in this race. I must find a way to block off all the possible negativity of any coaches or media and a way to ignore any dissapointment on the side of my friends and family. Second, I know I have to somehow get myself into an even headed, yet more optimistic mode. I think up until now it's all been figuring out what the worst possible dissasters may be and how I will be dealing with them. Not for once have I thought that maybe, just maybe I may actually have a pretty good race. How I wish I was as positive and optimistic as one of my running partners who never writes herself off (needless to say she often ends up beating folks who were a lot faster on paper).
Well, this may not have been the most exciting entry, but I guess it reflects the turmoil I am feeling inside. Please, wish for me over this last day that I am able to find meaning within and let myself, even just a little bit, believe that I am going to have a positive experience. I doubt I will have time to post anything more before the race. Aleksandar is coming tomorrow so I will get to spend some time with him and perhaps with his dad too. Then, I need to get my water bottles ready and just get all my things ready for the race. While I may not find time to post, I will check any comments you may like to post so please, feel free. I am sure you will find a way to follow me during the race and you will hear from me after (though I worry my fan club will have shrunk significantly by then :)))).
Thanks, this has, indeed, provided some clarity in what's ahead.
Zuzana
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